Overcoming Depression

Learning of the death of Robin Williams on August 11, 2014 was shocking and a dishearting piece of news. I remember when I first saw him on Happy Days as the alien Mork from Ork who comes to earth to kidnap Fonzie's body made me laugh so hard and it inspired me to want to bring joy and happiness to others. His stand up routines (Night at The Met most memorably) and his ability to improvisationalize showed some of the most brilliant talent that our generation would ever know. When I heard that he ended his life and that he had been battling depression recently got me thinking about when I was going through the same bout a few years back. 

Back in 2008 I hit a low point in my life where it seemed like nothing could go right. The company I worked for was downsizing their staff. Coupled with conflicts that were currently going on with co-workers I was in a position where I was let go. This seemed to be a job where I believed that I was going to retire and suddenly, it was all gone. I went through extensive job searching and came up with nothing. I found myself having less and less motivation to get out of bed everyday where it came to the point that I didn't even want to get out of bed. Eventually thoughts of suicide began to creep in and I began to seriously consider taking my on life and abandoning my wife and two daughters who at the time were 9 and 6 years old.

Depression is something that weighs on you to the point that you feel like you have no more outs in life. You can start to ask yourself, "What's the point in going on in life?" It's a deadly influence that drains the strength out of you. I was taking anti-depressants but in my mind, I could continually feel myself slipping further and further away from my family. This was something that I never revealed publicly until now. I hit a point where I got in contact with someone that I knew who had access to drugs and firearms. I had actually called him to inquire about getting narcotics and a gun to end my life. While I was on the phone with him, I suddenly heard this voice say, "Hang up the phone. Now!" Right in the middle of the conversation I hung up, went into my bedroom and put my phone in my dresser drawer, fell down on the floor and just lost it, and started bawling like a three year old. I knew I couldn't leave my wife and kids but I didn't want to be around anymore. I even got committed to a psychiatric center and was placed on a 48 hour hold after I visited a doctor and told him what was going on. I finally confided in my wife as to what I was feeling and even told a couple of pastors at my church as to what was going on. They all told me that they were on my side and gave me incredible verbal support to build me up, and reassured to me that they loved me and didn't want to see me gone.

Anytime you are going through any type of personal struggle, it's important to have a support system that is willing to continue to give you personal encouragement. This can't be done completely by them. YOU have to be willing to pull yourself up and want to strive to go on and be better that where you are. This isn't to criticize anyone who's reading this who may be dealing with depressing right now. I know first hand how this demon will mentally torment you until it pushes you to the brink of destruction. I thank God that I had my wife who continually told me every day, "Hey, I believe in you. I know you can do it. Something better will come along. You are the strongest man that I know." Things like that. Stay in touch people whom you know that you can trust and confide in. Call them for a good laugh. Be willing to even be a little bit vulnerable and let them know that you may not be in the best mood that day. Don't let your emotions be a constant drain on them, but keep yourself accountable to others who can keep you going in a positive direction.