All In, All The Time

This may be one of the most impacting phrases that I may have heard in long time. As some of you may know, I like to play poker in my free time. If you have ever watched poker being played on t.v. (i.e. The World Series of Poker), you will hear a player say "All in" when he/she feels that they have the best hand and is willing to risk everything that they have in order to win. I was at a seminar and the closing statement that one of the speakers made was, "All in, all the time."

This is a term that shouldn't just be limited to poker players. This is something that can be applied to any and all of us in different walks of life. When you apply your skills to something, being a parent, a spouse, your occupation, a commitment to acheive some sort of personal life goal, you should be your entire effort in to it with nothing held back. If you truly believe it is the best possible situation that could be handed to you, you should without a doubt be willing to risk everything to be successful at it.

I was given the greatest new careert opportunity when I came on to Johnstone Supply. My direct supervisor has continually supplied me with information and tools to help me be successful. In turn, I am fully committing myself to him and his business so that we are both successful. I realized during the interviewing process that the people who are already in place have bought in to the organizational program in place. I want to be a puzzle piece that fits right in and helps to complete a bigger, better picture.

There is no excuse for doing anything only halfway. If you are going to take that mindset, then you shouldn't even bother taking on the task. Champions don't hold up the trophy at the end of the season because they just did what they could to get by. This isn't to say that you won't have bad days. You may even have days where it seems as if everything that you do fails. You still have a responsibility to yourself and those whom you answer to, to give maximum effort everytime.

Next Chapter In My Career

I've always told myself that once I was either bored with or no longer felt a passion for something (with the exception of my marriage of course), then it's time for me to move on to something else. After 7 very exciting in the solar sales industry I have decided that it is time for me to move on to a new career path. Going all the way back to when I started with Akeena Solar in late 2008 through June of this year with Sunrun, I learned more about consultative selling than I could have imagined. I made a very good financial living at it, but in the last few weeks I just wasn't feeling the drive in the industry any longer.

I will be moving over to sales in merchant services with a company called Heartland Payment Solutions. I have know of and heard of people who have come out of the residential solar sales path and have had great success. Merchant services is at it's core helping businesses save money on what they spend for the privilege of using credit and debit cards for sales transactions. We provide other services, such as being a 3rd party payroll company, along with building websites for electronic commerce purposes. However merchant service is the core of the business.

Changing careers has been something that was heavily on my in the last two years. When I bounced from a couple of SunPower Premier Dealers two years ago and SunPower had temporarily run out of money on their lease I was starting to mentally go out of the door on solar. Sunrun revived my fire and passion. This past June, we decided to mutually part ways. HPS happened to pick me up as a free agent and I'm stoked about what the future has to offer. The unknown and the unexpected of a lucrative future always excites me.

Overcoming Depression

Learning of the death of Robin Williams on August 11, 2014 was shocking and a dishearting piece of news. I remember when I first saw him on Happy Days as the alien Mork from Ork who comes to earth to kidnap Fonzie's body made me laugh so hard and it inspired me to want to bring joy and happiness to others. His stand up routines (Night at The Met most memorably) and his ability to improvisationalize showed some of the most brilliant talent that our generation would ever know. When I heard that he ended his life and that he had been battling depression recently got me thinking about when I was going through the same bout a few years back. 

Back in 2008 I hit a low point in my life where it seemed like nothing could go right. The company I worked for was downsizing their staff. Coupled with conflicts that were currently going on with co-workers I was in a position where I was let go. This seemed to be a job where I believed that I was going to retire and suddenly, it was all gone. I went through extensive job searching and came up with nothing. I found myself having less and less motivation to get out of bed everyday where it came to the point that I didn't even want to get out of bed. Eventually thoughts of suicide began to creep in and I began to seriously consider taking my on life and abandoning my wife and two daughters who at the time were 9 and 6 years old.

Depression is something that weighs on you to the point that you feel like you have no more outs in life. You can start to ask yourself, "What's the point in going on in life?" It's a deadly influence that drains the strength out of you. I was taking anti-depressants but in my mind, I could continually feel myself slipping further and further away from my family. This was something that I never revealed publicly until now. I hit a point where I got in contact with someone that I knew who had access to drugs and firearms. I had actually called him to inquire about getting narcotics and a gun to end my life. While I was on the phone with him, I suddenly heard this voice say, "Hang up the phone. Now!" Right in the middle of the conversation I hung up, went into my bedroom and put my phone in my dresser drawer, fell down on the floor and just lost it, and started bawling like a three year old. I knew I couldn't leave my wife and kids but I didn't want to be around anymore. I even got committed to a psychiatric center and was placed on a 48 hour hold after I visited a doctor and told him what was going on. I finally confided in my wife as to what I was feeling and even told a couple of pastors at my church as to what was going on. They all told me that they were on my side and gave me incredible verbal support to build me up, and reassured to me that they loved me and didn't want to see me gone.

Anytime you are going through any type of personal struggle, it's important to have a support system that is willing to continue to give you personal encouragement. This can't be done completely by them. YOU have to be willing to pull yourself up and want to strive to go on and be better that where you are. This isn't to criticize anyone who's reading this who may be dealing with depressing right now. I know first hand how this demon will mentally torment you until it pushes you to the brink of destruction. I thank God that I had my wife who continually told me every day, "Hey, I believe in you. I know you can do it. Something better will come along. You are the strongest man that I know." Things like that. Stay in touch people whom you know that you can trust and confide in. Call them for a good laugh. Be willing to even be a little bit vulnerable and let them know that you may not be in the best mood that day. Don't let your emotions be a constant drain on them, but keep yourself accountable to others who can keep you going in a positive direction.

The Past Month and a Half

My emotions have been a bit mixed today. I found out over the weekend that my grandfather passed away. This coming off after haveing been down with a back injury from a car accident when I got rear ended last month. During the first couple of weeks when I was only able to work on a modified basis, I felt like I wasn't pulling my weight and that maybe my job could be in jeopardy. This nearly led me to trying to come back to work too soon and putting my health at an unnecessary risk. Following the advice of a co-worker of mine, I took the time to let my body heal appropriately before coming back to work. I'm still not 100% but I'm a lot better than I was a month ago.

Just when I felt like I was getting into a groove, my mom calls me on Saturday to let me know that my grandfather moved out and went to heaven (I've always liked that term over "dying"). I hadn't seen him in years but I talked to him on the phone every once in a while. I've always had great memories for spending time at his and my grandmother's house when I was little. I know how close my mom was to her father. Her mom moved out about 14 years ago, which hit my mom pretty hard. I think she was able to take my grandfather's passing a little better but this still had an impact. I guess I'm just wondering how my mom is doing. She seems to be doing ok. I'm just in a bit of a whirlwind because family members that I have always known are no longer here. It's weird

Stop and Smell The Roses

I was having a really crummy day last week. I don't know why. I just didn't feel sociable. Anyone who knows me, knows that is not in my character. I felt like I need to get out of the house for a little while and get some fresh air. For some reason, I grabbed my camera and just decided that maybe I would shoot various things I came across.

I actually didn't make it down the block. I started taking pictures of the flowers and the grass in the front and back yard. Kinda goofy but it actually took my mind off of what was troubling me and got me back into the perspective of, "Hey. You woke up breathing oxygen that these plants produce today." That in itself makes it a good day.


We have to stop every once in a while from the track that we are on and just smell the roses. Grab hold of and enjoy the life that we have around us. I never even got off of my own street and just decided to enjoy the day and the scenery on my block. In fact, the realization that I have all of my five senses in tact is a blessing in itself. Some of these photos that I took, there are some people out in the world that don't get to enjoy them the way that you and I can.